I don't always see things very clearly. I look, but I don't see. I don't always get excited or nervous about things that I probably should take more seriously. You know why? 'Cause I'm in denial, sort of. I under-react to things because I don't want them to be a problem. I don't want any problems. Ever. So I refuse to acknowledge them as such. I used to think it was a handy skill born of growing up not wanting to see the way things were in family. Now, not so much. Maybe I have realized that I can take it. Whatever I see, really see for good, bad or ugly, I'll be able to deal with somehow. If there is one thing that I know about myself, it's that I'm flexible, eventually. Maybe not as flexible as some, but enough to work things out and keep my ship afloat. And I know that I have been missing some important information by not really looking at things. I also know that I get very distracted. Internally distracted for long stretches of time. Hyper focused on some things...blissfully (more or less) ignorant of glaring others. Not good. I need to widen my scope. I have asked for perspective several times this year, when I pray, which I do, often. I want to have the gift of perspective which to me means putting situations and people and events and such in their proper context, if there is such a thing. Yet I realize to have true perspective, you have to see things clearly for what they are as well and not just what you want to or are prepared to see. That's an important part of perspective as well.

In 2011, I want to look at things and see them for what they are. I can handle it. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not puffing out my chest and rattling my sabres. This is not a true "bring it" attitude. Not yet, maybe not ever, but I am ready to begin the work of really seeing things. Now knowing what they mean, that's another story. Truly, though I am pretty intuitive and competent with allegory, symbolism and more importantly, human nature so I figure I can muddle through. I just need to have real data to parse here. I need the research and not just the abstract. And so I'll keep praying for perspective this year as well. Just "enhanced" perspective this time.

2011 for me is the year of clear sight. Happy New Year to all. I hope you like what you see.